Full Amazon Reviews from Round 2:

#1

ABNA Expert Reviewer

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

Amazing detail that makes you feel as if you are right there with the main character. With just a few words I can feel myself getting sucked into this world, feeling what they do - fearing what they fear. I was most impressed with the deft way the author handled his audience, at first making us think this kid is being hunted then relieving us that it's all just a game only to find out that it's all too real. Wonderful!

What aspect needs the most work?

I honestly can't find much to poke holes through here - I was taken with the first few words and didn't want to let go. Perhaps the use of nick-names is a big heavy handed, but this just adds to the realism of a gang of boys.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

A must read, especially for boys - a very hard audience to impress. It would be very easy to get teens to read writing of this caliber. Wonderful!

#2

ABNA Expert Reviewer

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

The start was well paced and had some very good misdirection. The interplay among the characters played well and rang true.

What aspect needs the most work?

Consistency is extremely important. When Sammy went to the attic and lifted the ceiling tile all the stuff fell down. When he was above the others and lifted the tiles - why did nothing fall from the tiles to alert them?

I'm willing, for the sake of the story, to believe Sammy moved that quietly. However, you introduced the "shower", then didn't maintain the "reality" you created.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

I think this is a very strong beginning to what could be an interesting book. If the writing stays as tight as that in the excerpt, the reader should be swept along.

However, if there are too many instances of inconsistency, the reader will quickly become frustrated.