Sunday, January 23, 2011

Feeling Bad

We now have less than two weeks until our new little baby is born and I am starting to get worried about my little Jake. He has been the baby for the past almost 2 years and I don't know how he is going to take sharing the attention with a little brother. I know he will get through it as all kids do but I can't help but feel bad for the emotional trials he is going to be put through. I didn't worry this much about Lily when we were having Jake because she is just one of those happy, positive little girls who goes into any situation with a smile and has never really had any serious emotional attachment issues. She never cried when I left her at a baby-sitters even if she didn't know the person. She has always loved going to see the Dr. even if she knew she was getting a shot, she loved nursery from day one and she was so excited to have a little brother. She never went through the whole jealousy phase or was mean to baby Jake. She welcomed him happily and has loved him from the start. Jake on the other hand has some attention and attachment issues. Most of the time he won't even let Jacob do things for him. It always has to be me and once I have this baby I won't be able to do that any more. He is the biggest cuddle bug and any time I am sitting or laying down he always comes and asks if he can snuggle with me. Every day when I put him down for a nap I hold him or lie with him till he falls asleep. I probably shouldn't have started doing that but I love the one on one time I get with him each day and it's sort of our special bonding moment. Then after he is asleep I play board games with Lily and have my one on one time with her and she and I usually end up snuggling and watching a show on my bed. I don't know if I will be able to keep that up once #3 arrives but I really hope that I can. I just keep having this fear that the more children I have, the more I will lose some of the relationship I have worked so hard to build with each of my children. I want them to know that I love each of them equally and that love will never lessen no matter what they do. I guess I just need to have a little more faith that we will be able to make this transition smoothly and that everything will be okay.

Here is Jake laying on the floor at my feet. No matter what I'm doing weather it's the dishes or on the computer or in the bathroom(a mother has no privacy) Jake is always right there laying on the floor waiting for me to be done.
Here he is in the babies car seat. I was getting it all set up tonight and he wanted to "snuggle" in it. He definitely still thinks he's a baby.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Friday, January 7, 2011


When I was a little girl (I can't remember how little) my parents had the basement set up as the kids play room which means it was ALWAYS a DISASTER. It drove my parents crazy but it was too big of a mess to keep cleaning up on a daily basis just to have it destroyed again by 8 little children. One day I decided I was going to clean it but when I started I became extremely overwhelmed at the mess and decided to just gather everything up and put it in a huge pile in a corner of the room. That way it would look clean and it wouldn't take as much time. I remember feeling bad that I wasn't able to put everything away but I decided to show my parents anyway. When they came down they very convincingly acted like I had done the greatest thing in the world. The part I remember the most is when my dad said "Now there is so much clean space down here that it makes me want to dance and twirl." Then he began to do just that. I don't know why but watching him dance and twirl around the room made me feel so good about myself and I have never forgotten that.

About a year ago, Lily and I were cleaning her room and she (being only 2.5 years old) was so overwhelmed by the mess that it took a long time to convince her to keep working. Finally it was clean and as I looked around the room I remembered the story of my dad so I said to Lily "YAY now we have all this clean space so we can dance and twirl." She thought that was the greatest thing ever and now every time we clean her room we dance and twirl in celebration of our victory. She is now to the point where she cleans it by herself with out even being asked and she always comes and gets me when it's done so that we can once again dance and twirl.

Now that she and Jake share a room she has included him in the cleaning process and the other day I overheard them celebrating their accomplishment and I was able to catch it on video.
She is singing a song from Sleeping Beauty if you can't tell.

This has nothing to do with the above story I just wanted to remember something. Lily has developed quite the imagination and I love to hear her play. She spent this particular afternoon playing with her doll house. She is extremely dramatic so unfortunately the family that lives in the doll house go through many trials and tribulations on a daily basis. Sometimes I don't know how they survive.
Oh, and Jake spent his afternoon trying to figure out how to enclose himself in a plastic bin.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

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