A Very Disgusting Spider Story

Yesterday while sweeping the back porch, Lily started yelling "Mom there's a big ugly spider on the back door." I looked over and saw this giant white thing that looked like some sort of rock and said "That's not a spider."

Lily: "Are you sure because it has big legs like a spider?"

I took a closer look and about died. It was a giant red spider with a huge white ball thing on it's back. I don't usually eliminate creatures that are outside my house but this one was a little too close for comfort. I had Lily go get Jacob and course he thought we were pathetic but agreed to help us anyway. It took about 10 minutes of brain-storming just to figure out how to get rid of it. I wouldn't let him step on it because then I would have to make him throw his shoes away. We finally decided a rock would do the trick. Lily: "I hope it's not POISONOUS!!!"( I wonder where she get's her dramatics from:) I won't go into details because it's too gross but lets just say it was a messy one. That thing on it's back was some sort of white fluid filled sack. I didn't want the remains left on the porch so I had Jacob get a stick and move it. Jacob had the genius idea of picking it up with a stick then dragging it across the kids bucket of toys and of course it fell off right in the bucket. I was mortified. There was now a huge mess inside their toy bucket so I had to wipe it out and bleach the bucket and all the toys. Even still I'm not satisfied. I had the hardest time eating dinner because I could not stop thinking about it. I finally gave up and threw it away. I was literally sick to my stomach. I was afraid I would have nightmares about it but luckily I didn't. In fact I hardly thought of it at all today until I was making lunch. I was stirring a pot of mac and cheese when Lily came in and said....

Lily: "Mom how come it's white and not yellow?"

Me:" because it's white cheese not cheddar."

Lily: "And how come the noodles look different?"

Me: " Because they are shell noodles instead of regular macaroni noodles."

Lily: " Hey kind of like that spider from yesterday."

Me: "Well so much for lunch."