Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Who Am I to Judge: A rant? Not quite.


I'd like to thank everyone who replied to the "Dumbledore" post, whether it was positive or negative. We all have important views to share, and we should be leaving more comments about important issues. What issues are important? Whatever we think is important.

One comment I would like to draw on is from someone I have never met. This person said, "Who am I to judge?"

An interesting statement.

Who am I to judge? Let me tell you who I am to judge. First of all, I am a human being with 25 years of experience in trying to relate to other human beings. 25 years experience of being helped, hurt, picked up, let down, cursed, blessed, loved, and hated. In order to choose my own friends, casual acquaintenances, employees or employers, baby-sitters, professors, mechanics, grocers, hairstylists, accountants, plumbers, etc, I will judge. And in most cases, the prinicpal factor will be ethics and morals.

Second, I am a husband. That means I went through years of judging girls and being judged by girls during 20$ meals and late night walks based on our appearance, behavior, smell and hygiene, education, personality, tastes, beliefs, and yes again, morals (and I don't know how I got the one as good as I did...). Courting is essentially judging.

Third, I am a father. This means I can judge the people who my children spend time with, let drive them, let court them, and to some extent, marry. I will be handing down my judgments with agonizing scrutinization because that is what I am supposed to do. I will judge the way they dress, speak, spend their free time, treat my family, treat their family, and dozens of other factors that are unnameable because I do it automatically because I am built to judge.

Judging is something we all do, which is why I am glad for the Biblical clause "Judge ye not unrighteously" because I know it is perfectly okay to judge, and I am very qualified to judge.

11 comments:

Unknown said...

You have met me, Jacob. I am a long-time friend and neighbor of your wonderful in-laws, the Crosbys. My children are very close friends of Mike, Marc, Becca, and Kathryn. I have had 55 years of experience in this world. I have lived in small towns, large metropolitan cities, and traveled extensively. I have tried to raise my children to be kind, loving, accepting, strong, and independent people. I have succeeded. When I said, "Who am I to judge", I think you know exactly what I meant. Perhaps I should have said, "Who am I to cast the first stone?".

Jacob said...

Marilyn, your first comment only sparked a topic I have wanted to address, that in which people tell me or others to not judge. If you read again through my comments about Dumbledore and homosexuality, you will find I do not cast stones. I only state that it is wrong. In fact, I go out of my way to say that "we", those who rationally oppose it, do not discriminate or mistreat them. I'm struggling to find what I have said that caused you and yours to find offense or embarrassment.

Unknown said...

"He no longer has any of that wholesome or pure quality that we suspected of him. He is the same as an adulterer, a spouse-abuser, a pedophile." Harsh.

Jacob said...

I will have to kindly disagree. What is purity? Some say perfection, but I say living a Christ-like life. One of the differences is being free from what we could classify as the "major" sins. And homosexuality is certainly a major sin. So, I don't think I can classify him as a pure person. Are any of us "truly pure?" Not in the literal sense, but some people live well enough to considered pure or wholesome. Scripture teaches that sexual sins are second only to murder. Whether or not someone commits a societal crime in doing these sins is obsolete, which is why I compared homosexuality to other, equally wrong sins, though pedophilia and besiality are punishable by law. In God's law, there is little difference.

Emily said...
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Unknown said...

My formost concern is that, whether intentional or not, you clump the "major" sins together with no consideration for the person. You made no distinction between the sin and the sinner. It is a good thing that at the final judgment, a wise, loving, and just Heavenly Father will be the one in charge, for it is only He that knows us completely, even the "intents of our hearts" (Alma 18:32).

In an article in the Ensign, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland states, "For various reasons, marriage and children are not immediately available to all. Perhaps no offer of marriage is forthcoming. Perhaps even after marriage there is an inability to have children. Or perhaps there is no present attraction to the opposite gender. Whatever the reason, God’s richest blessings will eventually be available to all of His children if they are clean and faithful.
Through the exercise of faith, individual effort, and reliance upon the power of the Atonement, some may overcome same-gender attraction in mortality and marry. Others, however, may never be free of same-gender attraction in this life.
As fellow Church members, families, and friends, we need to recognize that those attracted to the same gender face some unique restrictions regarding expression of their feelings. While same-gender attraction is real, there must be no physical expression of this attraction. The desire for physical gratification does not authorize immorality by anyone. Such feelings can be powerful, but they are never so strong as to deprive anyone of the freedom to choose worthy conduct.
In saying this, let me make it clear that attractions alone, troublesome as they may be, do not make one unworthy. The First Presidency has stated, 'There is a distinction between immoral thoughts and feelings and participating in either immoral heterosexual or any homosexual behavior.' If you do not act on temptations, you have not transgressed."

I believe compassion and tolerance should rule our lives and we should all be very careful how we express our feelings. I'm sorry, but I think making the assumption that all gay people are impure sinners with no redeemable characteristics is wrong. Only one person has that job and it isn't you.

Jacob said...

I agree with your comments and Elder Holland's. I wrote under the assumption of the action, not the desire. Just as I would not call someone facing the temptation of adultery an adulterer, I would not call someone facing the temptation of homosexuality a homosexual. So, yes, I wrote under the assumption that people who are "homosexuals" are practicing "homosexuality."
Jon or Emily, I don't know who, said some of our heroes perhaps practice sex out of marriage. What kind of heroes are these? Not the kinds I want my children emulating or looking up. I have had classes at BYU with men who struggle with same-sex attraction but choose to go through therapy and abstinence to deal with it. Those kind of people are heroes. They stand up every day to the world and media who say it is okay to give into those desires. But I will not call people who submit to those temptations, be it same-sex attraction, adultery, fornication, or whatever, heroes. And yes, while ultimately God judges us, He still gives us the light of Christ to judge for ourselves. Judging does not mean withholding love or kindness from someone, but I believe there should be a delicate balance between how we interact with people who make seriously wrong decisions in their lives. Christ, for example, taught everyone the Gospel, but he did not make all of them his apostles or disciples. If one of my best friends were to commit adultery and show no remorse, I would have serious difficulties maintaining my same level of friendship with him because to do so is to in a way condone that action. If he were to admit his mistake and seek forgiveness and repentance, it would be an entirely different case.
I truly think we mostly agree on these things but are using different words to describe our feelings. Again, my original intention with all of this was to give voice to people who disagree with an author's choice about one of her characters. As always, comments and feelings are appreciated

Unknown said...
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Unknown said...
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Unknown said...

You'll notice that I deleted two comments - they were very good comments, but after more consideration and the advice of the wisest woman I know, I have decided not to continue this discussion. We will never agree.

Rosalee said...

Jacob, I totally understand what you are saying. I, like you, separate the person plagued with the thoughts and attractions of same-gender attraction from the person who acts on those thoughts and attractions.
To me, the one "plagued" is struggling and fighting to overcome, to come out on top. I do not believe that God leaves these people alone as long as they fight. The person who acts has given up, has given their freedom, their agency which they once fought for.
My heart goes out to those who struggle and I admire them for engaging in a daily, constant battle which I will never have to endure.
I cannot look upon the act of homosexuality with any acceptance. Like you, I do not hate the person, I do love them. However, I hate their lifestyle. Love the sinner, hate the sin.
We each have our struggles and challenges for a reason. Corinthians tells us that God will not tempt us more than we can bear. The God I know will never leave us alone to deal with our struggles. He is there with us every step of the way.