Harry Potter Movie Six comes out in a week, and I thought it's important to make sure that everyone who reads this blog knows that THERE HASN'T BEEN A DECENT MOVIE YET!!! And this is very sad, considering the popularity of the books. My only hope is that SOMEDAY, before I die, they will all be redone and made to be the great movies they should have been (and done in CGI). Well, just for fun, I wanted to rank these films from best to worst. As always, my opinion is correct and immutable, but you're welcome to share your thoughts in the comments.
1. Order of the Phoenix-
Unfortunately, this isn't saying much. It's a decent film because it followed the book and dared to be imaginative in its interpretation, but it was still at times too loose with the canon and too dry.
2. Prisoner of Azkaban
I would have named this film first if it weren't for Daniel Radcliffe's terrible performance as Harry and the utter lack of continuity surrounding the Marauder's Map and an entirely missing Quidditch Final. Those three things were just unforgivable, I don't care how badly Alfonso Cuaron wanted to trim down the movie length. In my humble opinion, the greatest moment in the third book (which is my least favorite) is the Quidditch Final.
3. Sorcerer's Stone
This just edges out Chamber of Secrets. Stone was extremely faithful to the book, perhaps too much, but there was a magic here that was in seeing the books come to life. The movie is well done and the lack of acting talent was well hidden in quick cuts and a glossy finish to the film.
4. Chamber of Secrets
One of the great tragedies of this film is the scenes that were deleted. I don't know if there are any better than Malfoy bartering in Borgin and Burkes and Lockhart's pop quiz. These two characters really steal the show, so it's no wonder that shaving their screen time hurt the film's performance. I will never EVER forgive Chris Columbus (the director) for making the basilisk into a legless dinosaur. I don't care that it was less scary or whatever, it is inexcusable.
5. Goblet of Fire
A TERRIBLE FILM. When I try to think of what I like about this film... still... nothing really comes to mind. Mad Eye was over the top, the three tasks were HORRIFIC, the editing was GAWFUL. The shredding of the story of the Crouch's was a waste of great characterization. Instead Barty Jr is a one dimensional snot nosed brat, and his father is a bore. This film chose to enhance the lamest scenes, and cut some of the most important from the book: Dobby's role in the tournament, Harry almost being caught with the egg out of bed, mastering summoning charms, visiting Sirius at Hogsmeade... anyways, what a terrible film!
Your thoughts?
5 comments:
You are a strange man. I have never met someone with such strong opinions as you. It's always an entertaining read though!
On those same thoughts...have you ever read Eragon, Eldest, or Brisingr? Ever see the movie Eragon? What was your take on THAT?!
I haven't ever read the HP books, but I'm going to. I've enjoyed the movies for the most part, and I'm excited to see the new one. I just watched Order of the Phoenix for the first time this week, and I had a hard time following it. It seems like it jumped around a lot, and there wasn't a ton of continuity in the story. That may be because they had a different screenwriter than they had for 1-4 (the writer for 1-4 has returned to write 6, by the way, which probably disappoints you). My favorite of the movies was Prisoner of Azkaban.
Maybe you shouldn't wait till you get out here to go and see the movie with us if you are going to be so critical of it. I agree that many of the good parts in the books weren't done up to what they could have been but I enjoyed them for what they are. Those books are so in depth and imaginative that I can see how difficult it can be to put them on the screen in a decent amount of time and quality. I don't really try to compare them to the books but just enjoy them for what they are on the screen.
Jacob, you know I hate to do this, but I agree with your post.
You left out one of the greatest atrocities on 'Goblet' though... which is Dumbledore losing his cool and SHAKING Harry like a little child. I cried inside.
I decree there shall be a new prerequisite for anyone wishing to direct a Harry Potter movie going forward - they must first READ THE BOOK.
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